I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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