I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
