I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my being single is dangerous.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
