Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
True strength comes from lack of pants
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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