i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
