Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize