just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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