so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
