Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
