her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
