i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
