One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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