My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
