found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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