just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
