fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
