I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
