He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
