I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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