Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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