Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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