omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
