Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
