Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
