It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
