what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
