her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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