i wish there were pregnant emoticons
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
