I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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