There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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