I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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