Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
