Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
