I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
should my penis look like a turkey
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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