a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
