Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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