Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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