I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
