You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
