but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
