When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
