my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
