I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
