doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
