Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I have post one night stand depression
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
