She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
