This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When are your genitals available?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
