Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
