I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
