You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
