i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
