I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
