I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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