he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
