i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
