Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
