Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
