I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
