watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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