she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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