speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
