sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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