Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
