she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
