You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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