She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
