Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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