I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think I have vodka in my lungs
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize