get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
