I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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