i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
