he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
