Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Tell her she can't have a vagina
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize